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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

One Thing Leads To Another Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Our daughter, Sarah-Star
asked me to get Libby Bray's book:
That led me off onto the sideroads
where I found
Libby Bray's PRINTZ acceptance speech
for the book HOLY COW
so when my writing prompt
from Judy Reeves' WRITERS BOOK OF DAYS
was: Write about passing time.
this morning
I wrote:
Listening to Libba Bray's acceptance speech
she bounced all over
her personal life timeline
and I realized how we don't
know the meaning
of many of the things
we experience on this earthwalk
Hearing Deborah Heligman talk
about her book CHARLES AND EMMA
where she says: who we marry
really matters, it shapes who we become
support each other in growing the way
you're spozed to grow
Who am I? What do I believe?
What's the meaning of life?
What's my place in it?
The answers come @ different
times in our life
framed by the people/characters
who surround us
& the scenery we find ourselves in
Different parts of our life can seem
like different lifetimes
It all gets jumbled up together
& each time we pick out a part of
our lives to look at it
we find it dripping with all of the
other ingredients we've thrown into
the soup pot
Each taste and flavor
is influenced by every other one
even if the cake falls
it can be torn into little bits & pieces
& blended in with colorful jello
and creamy whipped cream
& made into a new creation
as if that's what we originally intended
No eggs, with their golden yolks are lost
They are too valuable to waste
Instead we stir them into
innovative creations
that honor the value
of treasures worthwhile
allbeit in a fashion
we never dreamed before
Time passes & we are transformed
into being
exactly what we're spozed to be:
a hodge podge
quilt scrap
creation of memories
that reflect
and mirror back to us
bits and pieces
of who we're really meant to be

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Part of THE LITTLE PRINCE read by his sister Sarah-Star

"When you look up at the stars at night,
since I'll be living on one of them,
since I'll be laughing on one of them,
for you it'll be as if all the stars are laughing.
You'll have stars that can laugh!
And when you're consoled
(everyone is eventually consoled),
you'll be glad you've known me.
You'll always be my friend.
You'll feel like laughing with me.
And you'll open the windows just for the fun of it . . .
and your friends will be amazed to see you laughing
while you're looking up at the sky.
Then you'll tell them,
'Yes, it's the stars.
They always make me laugh!' "

by Antoine De Saint Exupery

Words I said @ Josh's Memorial Gathering

Joshua Scott Daniel-Walters
Born March 27, 1981
-Lived 29 years, 3 months, 4 days,
Died July 1, 2010
Written by his Mama Susan
on the 4th of July,
Independence Day, 2010
@ Turtle Beach:
Turtles crawl out of the wet waters of spirit
to lay eggs upon the sandy beaches of earth,
from these eggs their young ones
will be hatched into life.
29 years, 3 months & 4 days my baby son
Joshua Scott Daniel-Walters
lived here with us.
I remember the very first time I saw him
and his tiny, little baby fingers
grasped hold of my fingers
and my heart.
His hands grew big and broad like my Daddy's
and my mother's father's-
his great grandfather's hands.
His heart was gentle,
and giving.
As a child he collected tiny little animals,
the kind you find in gift shops that come
attached to cards about the size
of postage stamps.
He cared deeply for the wee little ones.
Josh would always give anything he could
to someone in need.
by Marlo Morgan]
We read stories together about
Australian aborigines who go on walkabouts.
He found spirit in the gulf
especially when it was churned up into wildness
in a storm.
I can remember driving him and his friends
to go surfing before school would start in the morning
in those years before he got his drivers license.
He loved music, it danced in his soul.
He made music when he played guitar,
beat his haertbeat onto drums,
or breathed his spirit into a flute
or didgeridoo.
I will hear his song whenever I hear the birds
sing the sun awake.
I will sense his spirit in those magical moments
of dusk that have that Maxfield Parrish
quality of light.
Not that any mother ever needs a reminder
to pray for her children,
but whenever I'd notice a digital clock
showing 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44 or 5:55,
I'd stop and pray for Val and her husband Zach
and their 3 children- Eli, Lucas and Arianna.
I'd pray for Sarah-Star and her fiancee Al
and her soon to be family Addison
and their babies yet to be.
I'd pray for Josh, hoping he was safe and
happy wherever he was, wishing that one day
he would find a space to make a home
for himself.
Now I guess he's decided to do his walkabout
in the stars.
A lot of different cultures believe
when you leave this world
you walk the Milky Way as a road,
a river and a bridge between worlds.
Many Native Americans regard the Milky Way
as the path followed by the souls of the dead.
According to the Zulu
and other tribes of southern Africa,
the stars are the eyes of our dead ancestors,
keeping watch on the living below.
Josh walks this celestial path now.
Wherever he is I know he is walking his path
with heart.
I know whenever he needs strength
he'll remember the stories of hero's journeys
we read together.
I know some of the stories I read to him
will help him remember
to always keep LOVE in his heart,
to look for beauty in all creation,
and to be gentle,
and giving.
This may seem like THE END of one thing
but his stepdad Steve & I know for sure-
it is the beginning of something else . . .
We invite each one of you to explore
the . . .'s of infinite possibilities!!!

Who is your chosen tribe?

I spoke to Josh's friends about the meaning of tribe
at his Contemporary Memorial Gathering.
His tribe meant so much to him!

Who is your chosen tribe?
The core group of individuals
who make up your community.
People you can count on
and who can depend on you.
"Generosity of spirit is a golden quality
affirming our commitment
to a way of walking in sacredness."

Breathe in deeply
-relax your body
-open your heart
-become aware of
how your feet
ground you to your earthwalk
and this world
-know that within
each one of you
is the spark of the Divine Spirit
that connects you in spirit
to all living beings,
to one another
and to Josh and all others
who have gone on before us
to pierce the veil between
this world and the next.
Some say that when we die
we walk the starry trail
of the Milky Way
to our heart's home.

I felt my hands fisted up
& my heart contracted
when we got back to the house
here on Fish River.
But when his friends Eli & Joe
played guitar & the drummer
drummed- my heart opened up
and my hands opened up
to receive
the blessings of the day.

At night when I cannot sleep,
I still hear Steve's fluting
& Josh's friends drumming
in the front yard.

Meditation Tuesday, July 13, 2010

We played and sang
Gina Sala's youtube rendition of
(Because) the one I love
lives inside of you
I lean as close to you
as I can

I love you
I love you

I love you
I love you

I love you
I love you
Just as you are

Epiphany Wednesday July 14, 2010

I had an epiphany/realization/insight
when I was masterminding with Dennis,
my mastermind partner, this morning
In the mastermind process we go thru
there is the quote:
"Feeling separated is the root cause
of all unhappiness."

I am feeling separated from Josh.

I long to feel connected again.

Monday, July 5, 2010

In the sunlight we saw 3 white birds fly in

There is rain and there are times of tears & laughter. We are thankful
for this time in nature's beauty. As always the motion & sound &
beauty of the gulf soothes us & give us courage. Seeing the marsh
blesses us.

Rain in the marsh

We went thru the rain in the marsh to meet Janie & Kate in
Apalachicola to eat dinner @ Carolines overlooking the water.

Even the sky is raining tears @ Turtle Beach for Joshua Scott

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Turtle Beach

We can see beautiful dragonflies from the third floor porch of our B@B.
The waves wash all our worries away.
I am so glad we have this beautiful place & space in time to process
Josh's leaving his physical body & his earthwalk with us.

Turtle Beach sunset

Ah! Peace. . . We can hear the waves rolling in on the sandy shore.
Steve started out this morning in tears over Josh's death that would
not stop. I found a few teary places during our trek from Tarpon
Springs to here. We even managed to get in a fuss fight about what we
envision Josh's Contemporary Memorial Garhering to be: it was Taurus
vs. Aquarius until we listened to enough Bob Marley & Jimmy Buffet to
calm us down & soothe our souls so we could compromise.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Tarpon Springs

Here I am July 1st

just minutes before we got the phone call saying our son Joshua had
been in a wreck on his motorcycle, Several phone calls later we were
told he was dead. Who is gonna say, "I love you, Mama Bear?" This
afternoon I felt my Daddy was sending me a message from the otherside
saying "Don't worry, I've got him right here with me," but tonite I
cannot sleep. Every time I lay my head on the pillow here @ the
Hampton Inn in Wellington -memories of Josh force my head up off the
pillow. I wonder when sleep will come?